Birthday musings: Going all "existential mode" about aging and individuation.

This post is going to be rather personal. It's my birthday today. When I woke up and ran to the kitchen to get myself some mandatory morning coffee, I felt calm and ready to storm through the day. Then it hit me - it is my day today. And the feeling of being ready to storm through it got violently replaced with feeling as if I got struck by lightning. We're still in the "stormy" kind of vibe but not quite what I would expect. By the time I sat with my coffee I managed to break a full jar of honey on the kitchen floor and receive a bunch of birthday wishes. Sweet day, indeed.

After that, things started to spiral down. Inwards. When we celebrated my partner's birthday just two days ago, he went through a similar thing where he felt the urge to sum things up, sum himself up, analyze. I promised myself not to go this route, to just wing it through, screw internal work for the day. But each year it seems harder and harder to ignore this urge. It feels inevitable, like Hagalaz hailing down upon you with its full might, wiping away all the bullshit and petty excuses, making room for solid changes.

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